That I do something so outstanding that the whole world changes and I can feel proud of myself for making a wonderful difference. And that maybe some how after 36 years of wandering alone I might find someone who I can love and who loves me and treats me wonderfully and does stuff like Say I love you without having to have me say it first. Someone who gets excited about birthdays and wants to go for walks and bike rides and take photos and sing together. Someone that even after being friends for years isn't just in it for sex. Someone with massive world altering goals that make me swoon with pride. Someone who just totally loves me and isn't mean hateful and depressed. Someone who truly understand the human condition an to whom I am crazily attracted to and doesn't mind my sense of focus that seems obsessive but its really just the ability to focus.
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